THE MANRESA DIARIES, PART 4

by Photos par Voiland

Saturday Afternoon

“I’m Mary Magdalene and tonight is a bottle of perfume.” – John Mark McMillan

These are words to a song I discovered yesterday before I left for Manresa. They really jumped out at me. So much so that I had to share the song with Lisa. TO me this line speaks of the present moment. Living with God in “the naked now” as Father Richard Rohr puts it. So much of our prayer involves doing, which is great for me because I see myself as a doer. In prayer, I talk, ask, walk (I just returned from a walk around the Manresa grounds in which I followed a trail that marked our 14 stations of the cross) but meditation is leading me beyond doing into being. My mind still tries to talk and ask and walk but Fr. Bernie says we are more that our minds.

I want to find this place where I am more. Reading Nouwen today, he talked about the idea that we can get stuck in self-rejections that drives us to become performers, overcompensating for our insecurities. This overcompensation can become arrogance. Either way, thinking too lowly or too highly of myself gets in the way of the truth that I am the Beloved of God. I think that Nouwen’s description fits me to a “t”. I am both insecure and an overcompensator. I need to learn to be.

As I write these words, I can’t help but wonder if I am writing to reflect or perform my spirituality for others. I can’t help but to write with an audience in mind.

Lord, would you be my primary audience? If you see use in my thoughts on this journey they are yours to do as you please.

Amen.

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